When you can't quite commit

     Some who know me well say I have a short attention span; others have accused me of not being able to commit. And to that I say: "Fair enough." It only took 8 years and a baby for me to get married, and if it weren't for the aforementioned husband, I'd probably be a renter for life because owning a home and putting down official roots gives me massive amounts of anxiety.
     I've always been a little bit terrified of buyer's remorse. What if you pick the thing, you make the choice, and it just feels so...final. Nothing's permanent according to Buddhist logic, but sometimes it feels choosing one thing is shutting the door on something else. This feeling ultimately leaves me feeling stifled and itchy. The one thing that I've been able to commit to without question is whatever song is my flavor of the moment. I literally, and I do mean literally,  can listen to one song...on repeat...for a very, very long time. That's why no one lets me pick the music on road trips. We'll end up listening to "Long December" by Counting Crows for an hour and a half.
     It seems only appropriate that writing a blog left me with that same trapped and stifled feeling. Pick a brand, they said! If you don't have a niche, you'll never get sponsors! Well lucky for me, I'm not quitting my day job, and I'm not sure who would sponsor me anyway. (Maybe this scrappy little company called Target...I'm sure they're in need of a blogger to put them on the map). But really, I just want a place to write and share because I love it. And I do. I love, love, love it. Even if my mom is the only person who ever reads what I put on paper, I want to do it because I forget what time it is when I'm writing. I work through my thoughts, my anxieties, my grief, my boredom, and my questions about the future every time I sit down at my laptop. I write because I love words, and I love to see what happens when I put them in this order or that one. I love to write because everything you put out is so wonderfully subjective. There is no definitively good or bad writing. People will love it or loathe it, and either way, you will be a different writer a year from now. And I write because it's a snapshot in my life at that moment. I love to reread my 10th grade journals and marvel at my obsession with Reel Big Fish and my mega crush on the trombonist in jazz band.
     But as much as I love to write, I've gone down the route of picking a "niche," and let me tell you, I get really fucking bored. I've written about motherhood, education, weight loss, anti-dieting, living in China, etc. And with each topic, once I decided to narrow my focus, I felt claustrophobic and antsy, and I'd start to avoid writing until eventually I'd just stop altogether. The one exception being living in China, because once you leave China, you have very little left to write on the subject.
     So this blog is a culmination of things I love, things I care about, things that anger, inspire, or entertain me.  Whether it be literature, motherhood, my messy house, traveling, political concerns, an ode to cheese or my feelings about love scenes that take place in the morning. Are we really just going to pretend that morning breath isn't a thing?? So this blog has no theme in particular, because  not only can I not choose one,  but I also don't really want to. I'd be honored if you want to tag along and see where it goes. No pressure, and I'll still like you either way!